Q1) I’m a 23 year old girl and I broke up with my boyfriend two years ago because he was cheating on me. I haven’t been able to trust anyone else after that. I recently got into a relationship with another guy who is very sweet and who I like a lot but I have ended up cheating on him in a freak incident. I don’t know what to do. I feel miserable and can’t stop thinking about my first boyfriend. I just feel like I can’t go on anymore in life.
A1 ) It s okay to feel upset when someone breaks up with you. Often it should though get better and go away. If it’s not, you need to ask yourself why? Where does your sense of self worth come from. We all want to be loved and it hurts our sense of self worth to feel that someone left us for someone else. The question you have to ask yourself is “ Do you believe in yourself?” Are you saying to yourself daily- “I love myself and believe in myself” or are you saying to yourself- “ I am no good- I cheated on my boyfriend.” Okay , fine you cheated but move on- see if you really want to be with the second guy and whether you want to or not find other things in your life- Get a career, establish long term goals, get friends, hobbies. Live each day, Smile at yourself and the world will smile back too.
Q2) I’m 20 and there is a girl in my college who I like a lot for the past two years and we are great friends. She knows how I feel but has been in a relationship with a guy for the past three years. Recently I found out that he has been cheating on her through out. Should I be the one to tell her? I am confused if I should tell her or not, she might not believe me and even if she does it might end up devastating her and that’s something I don’t want to happen.
A2) You have to weigh the pros and cons. If you feel she will not believe you, you have to ask yourself If its worth it. But if you really feel strongly about it and feel she should know, you could mention it to her casually- that you have heard so and so-and see how she responds. Also be ready to face consequences from the guy too
Q3) My father is a good man but sometimes he gets drunk and hits my mom. As a child I was too scared to say something. These days it is getting really out of hand. I don’t want to take this out of the family to social welfare or relatives. I’m afraid someday I might end up hitting my father as I lose my patience every time he gets drunk. Please suggest a way out of this.
A3) When one lives in a home where there is physical abuse, one is in the danger of identifying with the aggressor – sometimes later on in life, children may go ahead and repeat the pattern in their lives too, without wanting to. Remember, however nice someone may be, physical abuse is not justifiable. You don’t want to involve anyone, you don’t want to hit him yourself. My dear, this will not go away magically just wishing it to- behaviours change when they face some consequences- he needs to face upto his behaviour. If you do not involve others, and keep suppressing it- you are right , you will explode, perhaps on him one day. What he is doing is wrong. He needs to be told that- other people such as the police, his family should be involved. There are no two ways about this one.
Q4) I’m a 39 year old widow living with my in-laws. Two years ago my husband passed away in a car accident which I survived. My in-laws still blame me for their son’s death everyday. I can not go back to my father’s house and I can not take any help from my brothers as they are all settled abroad. Sometimes I get so fed up with the nagging that I feel like ending my miserable existence. I have just been a housewife and I’m completely directionless to what I should do?
A4). It depends where you are living. Firstly , get out of these “I Cannots”. It does not make you a great person if you stick to inane conditioning. Why can you not? Because you are a woman? My dear, your brothers if in a problem would have gone back and it’s surprising that your parents have let you be like this. If you cannot, then plan something. It may take time- never mind- have a 2 year and 5 year plan in mind- consider options- what can you do? Study further, take tuitions, go out and meet new people, attend art of living or satsangs, learn drawing or dancing or singing, whatever. And learn to ignore other people’s behaviour- if someone nags, let them. You cannot change others but you can choose how you respond. Tell yourself they don’t know better so anyway you need not get hassled by them.
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